Resolutions: 2012 edition

Well it's that time of year again, when everyone starts making Resolution lists, obstensibly intended to remind ourselves that, while human, we can still better ourselves. Presumably, also, these lists serve as not only our reminder and motivation, but writing them down or announcing them to others feels as if we are forming a contract, and iron-clad obligation to our future selves, that we will not fail in the goals set forth by our own hand or lips. What follows is my list of Resolutions, from the multiple perspectives of my life as a father, husband, student, and gamer.

Father

Is there a name that conjures more fear in the soul of a man than that one? I don't mean fear of our own fathers, or of one almight father, but fear of the sheer awesome responsibility tattooing that name upon our own souls binds us to in this life. Being President of the U.S. must be easier by far than navigating the turgid waters of fatherhood. It's little wonder that so many fathers fall helpless into the trap the simple (and not so simple) act of procreation represents. The chance at living another life, via our own children.

Resolution #1: Don't fall into the trap of living vicariously via my children. My oldest son, like many boys his age plays video games, may not become an avid gamer as a hobby like myself. My job as a parent is to allow him to explore his own paths, while protecting him from becoming lost in a virtual world and forsaking the real one. My job is to teach him, by example and taking a direct hand, what it means to be an adult in an adult world, while simultaneously allowing him his childhood.

My job is not to color his experiences too much with  my own viewpoint or attempt to mold him into a copy of myself (regardless of his genetic structure, which in this case is easy since he's only my step-son) but allow him to become his own person.

The same for my other step-son, who I sometimes worry is too sensitive. My job is to balance how much of his sensitivity is ok, and how much is too much.

For my daughter, the stakes only go higher. Resolution #2: My daughter will not become a spoiled brat, by my hand, or another's. I will teach her, but not coddle her, revel in her accomplishments, but also her failures and lessons she overcomes.

Husband

It's difficult for any person to identify their own faults, to look inward to recognize the flaws within themselves they cannot see. That's as true for me as it is for anyone. Resolution #3: I will attempt, as only a human can, to recognize, and try to correct, my own flaws as a husband and to forgive those I see within my wife.

I feel that this section deserves more weight, though I know not how to add it. That resolution seems simple enough, but in the end it's the best I can do for the jumbled pile of emotions and motivations that composes my relationship with my wife. Sometimes rocky, sometimes smooth, that relationship defines me as who I am today as much as any other influence in my life, past or present. My identity as a husband is as complicated as any role I play, just more so. Distilling that role into a single resolution is the best I can do for it, though it does not do it, or my thoughts on the subject, justice.

Student

Resolution #4: Maintain a 4.0 GPA without completely losing my mind, and retain and learn to apply the knowledge gained. I know that much of the information I'll absorb during classes and reading the textbooks this year may or may not have a legitimate impact on my future in Criminal Justice, should I have one, but I will do my best to work that knowledge into how I react to situations and test the ideas presented against my own view of ideal justice and human rights.

Gamer

Here's where you might expect me to list the games I intend to play or the gaming achievements I want to reach. Resolution #5: I won't allow my gaming to become the focal point of my life, or to become so influential that other aspects of my life suffer (I'm looking at you, Runes of Magic). Gaming, so often an escape from the stresses of real life, too often becomes so focal to me that it hurts my relationships as well as other aspects of my life. I must strive for a balance, and while I believe I've struck a suitable balance between the two lives, real and virtual (with all it's flavor), that's a struggle I still have maintain. Getting too involved in a hobby is a trap that many people fall into. My goal is not to fall in, but to still enjoy it.

Which leads me to Resolution #6: I will attemp to strike a better balance between playing multiplayer games and those which I play alone (with or without an audience, my wife enjoys watching me play some games). I've got some great friends, both from within the virtual world and those without, and I greatly enjoy their company. They deserve some of my attention and time.

Obviously, if you've managed to read all that and have paid attention, you'll realize that I've not set any tangible goals that can be measured and accounted for (at least by me, I'm sure in later years my children will pass some kind of judgment on me, and my wife is almost obligated to do so daily by woman law) aside from the 4.0 gpa, but even there I set further future goals. That's not a deliberate attempt to absolve myself from attaining any of the aforementioned goals. I can still hold myself accountable, but these are not the kind of goals that can be achieved in a month or two, but long term commitments that I ignore at my own peril.

Ignoring my responsiblities as a husband will leave me single within a year, if not better. My faults as a father could endanger whatever legacy I hope to leave behind when I shake this mortal coil. My relationship with my friends will leave it's mark on me socially, if not emotionally. Neglecting my education, especially at this point, could do even more harm, affecting potentially my marital status and fatherhood. These are not, therefore, resolutions to be taken lightly.

Of course, losing a few pounds couldn't hurt either.

Your role as Leader

Recently I made a rather hard decision as a guild leader, probably the hardest I've personally ever made in that position. And that decision, upon reflection, has proven to be the only one I could have made if I wanted to stick to my principles.


I retired as leader of my guild.

Why? The most important reason is I could no longer give the guild what I felt it required, and deserved. I could no longer be a strong, present leader. Events and situations in my real life were distracting me from the day to day functions of the guild, and problems with the game itself were only adding to the distraction and sense of unease. I wasn't playing the game much, and don't see myself playing much of it in the near future. And if I wasn't playing I could no longer be there to direct the guild or deal with issues that crop up from time to time.

I could have easily just left the game, told the guild I was taking a short break from everything and was coming back later. Some guild leaders I've seen have simply vanished on their members, leaving them with no recourse and no clear leader. I didn't want to do that, and I didn't want to lie to the people I had come to respect and love so much. I knew in my own heart that the "break" was more than likely permanent, and despite the fact that I wasn't carrying the guild leader tag (an issue with RoM's Siege War) I was still the leader and I felt I had a responsibility to tell the guild the truth.

So I vacated the position and handed leadership over to the officers and let them make the decision about where to go from there, and who should be in charge. The didn't disappoint, instead of finding a new leader they elected to form a ruling council for the guild, making all major decisions by mutual agreement. I couldn't have asked for a better outcome, for while I held the end right to make all major decisions, I rarely ever did so without the input and consent of my officers.

Pictured: not my officers

I know I did the right thing.

But looking back on my experiences with being the guild leader I've asked myself what I did so right that the guild not only survived during my administration but thrived, becoming stronger than when I was given the guild. And what I did wrong. And I feel that I did more right than wrong, and only because I felt so strongly about the guild and about my own character (not my toon). I want to be a good person, so I try very hard to be one.

Ask anyone about leadership and they'll probably spout of some catchy phrases like "lead by example," or "lead from the front." Politicians usually claim they're leaders, though in my mind operating by political expediency isn't leading. Others may say they're leaders because they're "the best" at what they do. Personally I think being a leader is more involved than that, more personal. Being a leader means being there for those you lead, and always pushing them as well as yourself to do better and be better people. A leader doesn't automatically drop someone from an organization because they aren't doing well, but tries to find that niche that that person will excel in.

But foremost among leadership qualities I would rate the integrity and honesty to say "I am not perfect, but improving." The biggest sacrifice a leader must give is one of ego. Being a leader, one with a title, gives one a status that cannot be ignored, but for the good of the guild must be put aside. A good guild leader doesn't think of themselves as better than their guild, but a part of it, just another wheel that keeps the whole machine moving. Doing so allows the leader to accept the faults in others, and work with them.

As guild leader of TBT I did all those things books and motivational speakers and JROTC instructors tell you to do. I set the example, I lead from the front. Trying to promote unity and giving within the guild I would most often just give my old gear away to another member, upgrading them if possible. Sure my wallet took a hit (no selling means no gold) but I did it for the guild, another geared member meant more opportunities for all of us. I was the first in my guild to tier a weapon (unique to RoM, that I know of) and almost always one of the first to break into new content and instances. I maintained my composure and didn't give in in the face of something as disastrous as the guild breaking nearly in half. I would always try to calm an angry situation or find humor in troubled times, and I did my damnedest to treat each and every member of the guild with respect.

George Washington, perhaps one of the finest leaders this country has ever known, set the standard and the bar for the President so high that so many of our best have failed to live up to it. He could have been made leader for life, instead he elected to only serve as President for 8 years. He could have been called any number of things, but for him a simple Mr. President sufficed. He was in a position of great honor and prestige, and by his humble actions only improved upon it. If I could be said to be attempting to emulate anyone, Washington would be him.

So when it came down to my needs over the guild's needs, I made my ultimate sacrifice, and gave the guild to those it belonged to anyway, it's members. And while my story with TBT isn't quite done yet, I know that the little time I had with such people will be forever marked on my soul, and I couldn't be prouder of who they are, nor prouder that, for a time, I had the honor of leading them.

Dealing with "that" guy

You know who I'm talking about. The guy who's always causing you some kind of trouble. From the word go.


This guy can take many forms. It could be some snooty bastard who thinks his shit don't stink. It could be a younger person with a chip on their shoulder and something to prove. It could just be a guy who, for whatever reason, enjoys being a jerk. All of them can cause their own brand of mayhem, and can cause you nothing but grief as a guild leader.

But what if they're not breaking any of your rules? Kicking them, as I laid out in a previous entry, might be an option if you've got some ruling that covers their behavior and expressly mentions it as a kicking offense. But if they're just being annoying and not doing anything serious? Well, that's pretty much for you to decide there. You've got to decide if the pattern means more than whatever ruling you might have laid out.

As guild leader you have to be flexible.  Your first and foremost concern should be the welfare of the guild and whatever decisions you make should be to their benefit. So if putting up with an annoying little twit is what's best for the guild (say they all like the guy but he's just rubbing you the wrong way) then do it. But if their action is causing acrimony and disdain from other members the best thing to do would be to kick him, lance the boil before it becomes a serious problem.

Sometimes a player just isn't a good fit for a guild, regardless of how well liked they are how good a player they are. I'll give you a few examples just from my own experience, omitting any names. Not for fear of retaliation but because I just don't want to start any shit.

One member was kicked for violating our guild policy of respect. A simple rule, and one that nearly everyone had no problem with. Point in fact this guy had no problem with it until he suddenly started buying up gear. Once he was fairly geared for a tank we started testing him out on some runs to get a feel for his tanking style and basically to see if he could be a front line tank for us, something I get tired of being all the time lol. But once he started tanking that's where the trouble began.

He started berating others in the party for not doing their "jobs" and generally just being stuck up about himself. The final straw came while I was at work and he was tanking for a mixed group of TBT and an ally guild. An issue arose and he called down our allies in chat and in whispers. One of my officers witnessed the event and summarily kicked him for the rule violation. I had them send me a screenshot of the whispered conversation and upon reading it I upheld the decision made by my officer.

In that screenshot it was obvious he was being a controlling idiot on the run, and he outright told the other party "I have 3 rules when I group, I pull, I pull, I pull." (the incident in question involved someone pulling a mob that he wasn't "ready" for and it got him pissed off) That simple statement told me everything I needed to know about his attitude about tanking and working with a group, that is to say he wanted to be in charge and did not care for the input of others, making him a poor choice for a group member and an unwelcome guild member.

He's since formed his own guild with his wife and named it based upon our follow-up conversation. I liked the guy and I wish him the best, but the drama he and his wife have been in with other guilds since then have affirmed my action, he would not have been in the guild much longer if I had allowed him back anyway.

Another member voluntarily left recently when he discovered he could not buy access to the guild bank, something we keep from new members on probation so that a new person can't just walk in and steal a bunch of stuff from there, which has happened (thus the rule lol). He raised a fit and left instead of just waiting out the short period or asking for an officer's assistance. He wasn't willing to respect the rules and thought he could just buy his way out of them, and when that didn't happen he threw a tantrum.

He will not be missed.

But you gotta love that guy, without him it would get boring sometimes ... Nah.

Adjusting to the Game

We've already discussed what to do if you suddenly find yourself thrust into the limelight as a guild leader,  and how to handle potential drama within the guild.


Now's a good time to discuss changes within the guild and with the game that can affect the guild.

No MMO operates in stasis, that is to say they are constantly changing with updates, expansions, class balance and the like. It's important for you as the guild leader to be aware of these changes and how they could affect your members.

New Content

If you're an endgame guild this change is going to be especially important to you. New content means more challenges to tackle and avenues to explore. There's usually new instances that come with expansions, and being the first on a server or game to tackle them could be important to your guild. And chances are if you're an endgame guild you'll have no shortage of people looking to tackle the new content.

For players not quite at endgame, or even nowhere close, new content will often mean a jump in your own gear as endgame players get new gear and pass on their old. They'll oftentimes sell them or if you're in their guild they may give it to you or sell it at at reduced rate. I've seen guild members sell an item to a guildie at half of what the item was worth, and I've personally always tried to encourage that among my members with a "get guildies geared" philosophy.

Often new content will also have a level cap increase, meaning there will be more quests available to do and level up with. Unless you're just gung ho to tackle that newest instance give your guild a few days to discover all the nuances of the expansion and perhaps level up some before moving on. Some instances require a certain level or an attunement series of quests so this info may need to be discovered and shared among the guild.

Class Balance

Almost the 3rd rail of MMO's, a game that gets it right is RARE. Chances are your game is going to periodically update it's class balance by tweaking stats, skills, talents, or what have you. This month's OP class could be next month's bottom-of-the-barrel. This is going to be important to every player of the game, regardless of whether they are in a guild or not.

Be sure that you thoroughly test it out and understand it's impact on your guild and your groups. That rogue who was tanking every run might suddenly find himself squishy and unable to tank, leaving your groups to find an appropriate replacement if one is not already available. Your top dps might find themselves nerfed. All sorts of things can happen with a class balance, you will need to be on your toes and adjust accordingly.

PEOPLE

One thing you'll notice if your guild stays active long enough, there will be a river of people flowing through your guild. People have a wide range of priorities and finding that perfect fit in a guild isn't the easiest thing to do. Sometimes the flow of people will be positive, growing your ranks and possibly enabling your guild to do more, and other times it's going to be negative, and you may feel like your guild is hemorrhaging members. Most of the time those leaving and those joining are going to be small in number. A guild member might invite a friend or two they got interested in the game, or someone may quit the game entirely.

Occasionally whole groups of people might leave. I've personally had the majority of my officers leave to form their own guild, taking roughly half of the active membership with them. Sometimes a players priorities and goals simply aren't going to be in line with the guild's. They may even blame you personally as their reason for leaving the guild.

In the end, don't let change get to you. Things are never going to remain the same. If you've got a core group of members that all share the same goals and want to remain together, chances are your guild will be able to withstand almost any storm that comes it's way. The Black Tower, my guild on RoM, has held together for over 2 years now, and is still growing and going strong.

May you be as lucky as I have been.

Dealing with Drama

A lot of guilds advertise in their recruiting announcements that they are "drama free." That's a load of bullshit from a manure salesman. Let's face it, what we're talking about here is a group of people, and anytime you get such a diverse range of people together in one place there will be the occasional dispute or outright argument.


And as Guild Leader you are often the person placed in the middle of the dispute and asked to take sides.

There are steps you can take to prevent much of the drama and provide guidelines for what you can do when drama rears it's ugly head.

Lay down the rules.

Whatever kind of guild it is you're trying to run there will need to be some ground rules. Unless of course you're going for complete anarchy, in which case why are you running a guild? Keep in mind the kind of guild you want to run and then make rules for the guild that fit that mold. But remember the cardinal rule when doing anything, K.I.S.S., or Keep it simple stupid.

Things you might want to consider rules for:

• Looting rules - this clearly lays out what you expect to see happen whenever major loot drops, the kind of stuff that people fight over. 
• Guild donations - if the guild needs any resources you might consider making them mandatory donations, or donations of in-game currency as dues for remaining in the guild. 
• Recruiting - laying down rules about what kind of player can be recruited, age, level, access to guild VOIP, etc. narrows your focus to exactly the kind of guild you're looking to run, and goes a long way toward making sure new recruits fit in.

Set an Appropriate Reaction

Eventually someone will violate one of your guild rules. To establish your lead you must be prepared to handle the infraction with appropriate action, whatever you feel that to be. I would refrain from using the /gkick hammer over smaller, less meaningful infractions, however.

Punishments you might consider:

• Demotion - appropriate for officers or other ranked members. 
• Deny access to guild resources/runs. Great for ninja looters. "So you accidentally rolled on that huh? Well that's fine, but you get no more runs this week."
• Guild Kick. Reserve this for more severe, or continuous infractions. Some rules may require this as an automatic punishment. 

Don't Hesitate

This is really the simplest thing you can do. If there are clear rules prohibiting some behavior, and the member has agreed to those rules, then take the appropriate course of action ASAP. If it happened while you were logged then make it your first priority when you log in.

Make no exceptions. If you treat one person a certain way over a rule then treat another a different way, you're playing favorites and are likely to lose members or lose whatever authority you may have had. Make sure that every member, officer or not, is subject to the same rules.

A side benefit to the guild knowing that certain actions will not be tolerated at all is that if there is a member that would violate them they'll usually remove themselves for a guild they are more suited for. Eliminating you from having to do it.

Kicking someone from the guild is the ultimate course to take, and it may have repercussions if the player was popular within the guild. Stand fast, the guild may not like it much, but they'll respect you for having the balls to do the right thing.

Get Everyone on The Same Page

However you choose to do it, get everyone on the same page. If your guild has a forum make a thread that clearly lays out the rules, and have every member /sign it. Otherwise make sure through some kind of intake policy that every member is aware of the rules and agrees to them.

Follow these guidelines and you'll eliminate much of the drama you'll run across in  guild. Not all drama is predictable, but if you act decisively about it you'll go a long way.

The Accidental Guild leader

I was browsing around www.theromwiki.com when I came across a link to this blog about leading a guild. So I read a bit of it, and mostly came to the conclusion that writer was mostly writing a guide about WoW guilds and how to run them effectively. And I thought to myself, "I like to write, I'm a guild leader, and I think I can contribute something to the discourse in a meaningful way."

So now you're reading my blog about being an accidental guild leader instead of one my insipid rants. Don't you feel lucky?

First up on my to do list: Background.

I wasn't always the GL of Theblacktower, the guild I run on the Runes of Magic Artemis server. I in fact joined it after a couple months of playing RoM sporadically. My first toon, a r/s named Dyoji, was actually a member of another guild that didn't talk or anything before joining up with TBT. Algren, my main character now, wasn't even conceived yet.

Anyhow, there I was in this great guild of people, making friends and generally just having a good time. My wife had finally joined up after I bugged her relentlessly, and we had each created new toons to play together with. After one particular run we were approached by the guild leader at the time, and he asked us to accept officer positions. We did, and I've tied my fate to the fate of the guild ever since.

It wasn't long after that that a dramatic turn of events resulted in my holding the title of "guild leader".

The Situation
So you've found yourself the leader of a guild, all the officers have left and you're stuck holding the bag. Well, all is not lost my friend. There is hope for your little band. But you have to ask yourself some questions first.
1) Do I really want to be the guild leader?
The answer to this question can only be supplied by you. Being the guild leader has it's share of perks, but it also has it's downsides.
The perks include:
* Your the Head Guy in Charge now. Your word is final and as absolute as you want it to be.
* There's now a whole guild that looks to you for answers, input, and leadership.
The Downsides include:
* Success or failure of the guild lays on your head now.

Other considerations for contemplating this question are:  Do you believe in the guild? Can you see the potential there for the guild to flourish and grow? How willing is the rest of the guild to follow your lead?

My answer: Yes. I felt a particularly strong attachment to the guild that I had joined, and a responsibility toward it since I was an officer there. I didn't want to let my guildmates down, so I accepted the offer of the former lead to take over leadership of the guild.

First things first: Establish your lead.
This isn't really all that hard, just organize the guild into a structure you're comfortable with. If that structure is already there you might just roll with that for awhile until the guild just naturally evolves into something else. In my case, other than my wife, all the other officers of the guild had left. They were all family of the GL and had left to form their own guild, and he decided to go with them. Family drama kicks the snot out of guild drama, believe me.
So what did I do? I searched around me for people that were loyal to the guild and whom I could trust to help me operate it. Who did I consult with? Who was showing real leadership within the guild? Those are the people I approached about being my officers. I made them officers, I gave them authority, and more importantly, I listened to them.

I can't stress that enough. Whatever your personal feelings for the guild you need to be able to adapt to the evolving needs of the guild. And without feedback from the guild you're never going to make it. My officers provided me with a range of viewpoints and experience, and I listened. The only time I shut down any of their ideas was when I felt it would be a detriment to the guild as a whole or went against the guild's theme and mentality.

So then I had myself as head, officers one tier below me that I trusted, and then the rest of the guild.

It was a good start.

Politics, same as it ever was

I don't think that politics have changed much really, even in the past 20 odd years when so many advancements in communication and sharing of information have come to be. We all still believe we are right and will adamantly argue the point with anyone who disagrees. Sometimes coming to blows, most often turning to the tried and true method of labeling, undermining, and discrediting. Seems as long as our political opponent appears wrong, we appear right by comparison. It doesn't occur to anyone that they could both be wrong.

Take for instance when President Bush was in power. How many times have we heard the phrase that he "lied" to bring us to war with Iraq and Afghanistan? Really? Ok, why? And if he was lying, why in the world would a Democratically led Congress agree with him? Including one Barack Obama? If they didn't agree, they sure as hell went against their conscious when they declared war in Iraq. In truth, we finished the job that should have been done 10 years prior and removed a tyrant from power. And Saddam DID have WMD, he'd even gone so far as to USE them. His regime was even actively trying to block UN inspections teams. Rather shady behavior from someone who wasn't hiding anything. The sheer amount of animosity directed at Bush was just insane. Most of it I'd wager were due to the fact that he just disagreed with those who attempted to label him.

The best example I can think of to illustrate how divisive the arguments are was just after Bush was elected the first time. Half of the voting populace voted for Bush. Get it? Otherwise he would not have been elected. Granted he lost the popular vote (not by much as I recall,and I'm far too lazy at the moment to check) but he did win the electoral college vote. Argue as you may the viability of such a system, it IS the system we have in place and thus Bush was the duly elected President of these United States. And what happened immediately after he was elected? Everyone who voted for him was called an idiot, or ignorant, Bible-thumping morons. There were even cries that he had stolen the election, or his brother gave it to him.

And now Barrack Obama is President, and the pendulum has swung back the other way politically, but not the divisiveness. He's been accused of everything from being a Muslim (which is a derogatory phrase how???) to faking his Birth Certificate. What do I think of Obama as President? Not much, but then I'd rather have ANYONE other than a politician in such a powerful office. It's not that I don't trust him specifically, I just don't trust anyone who's job description includes trying to make everyone happy, especially those in their own party.

As far as political mindedness goes I'm pretty conservative. I support less taxation, less government intrusion and such. Other times I'm pretty liberal, for instance I agree that gays should be allowed to marry. Which is pretty much where I believe most of us are. Which in my eyes is the problem. We either elect a conservative, or a liberal, and only half of the population is served well. And the other half raises hell and pulls out their tinfoil hats. Maybe next time we can find someone who actually represents us and not some political ideal? HMM?

Freaking stupid people