Well it's that time of year again, when everyone starts making Resolution lists, obstensibly intended to remind ourselves that, while human, we can still better ourselves. Presumably, also, these lists serve as not only our reminder and motivation, but writing them down or announcing them to others feels as if we are forming a contract, and iron-clad obligation to our future selves, that we will not fail in the goals set forth by our own hand or lips. What follows is my list of Resolutions, from the multiple perspectives of my life as a father, husband, student, and gamer.
Is there a name that conjures more fear in the soul of a man than that one? I don't mean fear of our own fathers, or of one almight father, but fear of the sheer awesome responsibility tattooing that name upon our own souls binds us to in this life. Being President of the U.S. must be easier by far than navigating the turgid waters of fatherhood. It's little wonder that so many fathers fall helpless into the trap the simple (and not so simple) act of procreation represents. The chance at living another life, via our own children.
Resolution #1: Don't fall into the trap of living vicariously via my children. My oldest son, like many boys his age plays video games, may not become an avid gamer as a hobby like myself. My job as a parent is to allow him to explore his own paths, while protecting him from becoming lost in a virtual world and forsaking the real one. My job is to teach him, by example and taking a direct hand, what it means to be an adult in an adult world, while simultaneously allowing him his childhood.
My job is not to color his experiences too much with my own viewpoint or attempt to mold him into a copy of myself (regardless of his genetic structure, which in this case is easy since he's only my step-son) but allow him to become his own person.
The same for my other step-son, who I sometimes worry is too sensitive. My job is to balance how much of his sensitivity is ok, and how much is too much.
For my daughter, the stakes only go higher. Resolution #2: My daughter will not become a spoiled brat, by my hand, or another's. I will teach her, but not coddle her, revel in her accomplishments, but also her failures and lessons she overcomes.
Husband
It's difficult for any person to identify their own faults, to look inward to recognize the flaws within themselves they cannot see. That's as true for me as it is for anyone. Resolution #3: I will attempt, as only a human can, to recognize, and try to correct, my own flaws as a husband and to forgive those I see within my wife.
I feel that this section deserves more weight, though I know not how to add it. That resolution seems simple enough, but in the end it's the best I can do for the jumbled pile of emotions and motivations that composes my relationship with my wife. Sometimes rocky, sometimes smooth, that relationship defines me as who I am today as much as any other influence in my life, past or present. My identity as a husband is as complicated as any role I play, just more so. Distilling that role into a single resolution is the best I can do for it, though it does not do it, or my thoughts on the subject, justice.
Resolution #4: Maintain a 4.0 GPA without completely losing my mind, and retain and learn to apply the knowledge gained. I know that much of the information I'll absorb during classes and reading the textbooks this year may or may not have a legitimate impact on my future in Criminal Justice, should I have one, but I will do my best to work that knowledge into how I react to situations and test the ideas presented against my own view of ideal justice and human rights.
Gamer
Here's where you might expect me to list the games I intend to play or the gaming achievements I want to reach. Resolution #5: I won't allow my gaming to become the focal point of my life, or to become so influential that other aspects of my life suffer (I'm looking at you, Runes of Magic). Gaming, so often an escape from the stresses of real life, too often becomes so focal to me that it hurts my relationships as well as other aspects of my life. I must strive for a balance, and while I believe I've struck a suitable balance between the two lives, real and virtual (with all it's flavor), that's a struggle I still have maintain. Getting too involved in a hobby is a trap that many people fall into. My goal is not to fall in, but to still enjoy it.
Which leads me to Resolution #6: I will attemp to strike a better balance between playing multiplayer games and those which I play alone (with or without an audience, my wife enjoys watching me play some games). I've got some great friends, both from within the virtual world and those without, and I greatly enjoy their company. They deserve some of my attention and time.
Obviously, if you've managed to read all that and have paid attention, you'll realize that I've not set any tangible goals that can be measured and accounted for (at least by me, I'm sure in later years my children will pass some kind of judgment on me, and my wife is almost obligated to do so daily by woman law) aside from the 4.0 gpa, but even there I set further future goals. That's not a deliberate attempt to absolve myself from attaining any of the aforementioned goals. I can still hold myself accountable, but these are not the kind of goals that can be achieved in a month or two, but long term commitments that I ignore at my own peril.
Ignoring my responsiblities as a husband will leave me single within a year, if not better. My faults as a father could endanger whatever legacy I hope to leave behind when I shake this mortal coil. My relationship with my friends will leave it's mark on me socially, if not emotionally. Neglecting my education, especially at this point, could do even more harm, affecting potentially my marital status and fatherhood. These are not, therefore, resolutions to be taken lightly.
Of course, losing a few pounds couldn't hurt either.
